It's A High Stakes Game

Yes my friends, studying abroad in China and taking a pledge to speak only Chinese is a high stakes game wherein the winners get what they want and the losers get what they get. At some points, I'm winning, and at others, I find myself eating lunch in the cafeteria of a boys-only dorm. Get what I get.

I took some pictures of my accommodations for you folks. Our room is the smaller of two in a suite-sort of setup, but it's a stupid Lovett suite-type setup rather than an awesome Jones and/or Martel setup. Please note that my roommate's computer (off screen, right) is playing Britney Spears's "Autumn Goodbye," which is something of an anthem from my youth; point for the roomie (keep track Jacob). This being said, my room is quite lovely and typical and inspires no further comment.





The bathroom, on the other hand, is a bit more unusual...I'd like to point out the toilet in the foreground and the shower in the background. Weird. The floor has one drain, sort of over by the toilet...seriously though, just imagine picking up your toilet and putting it in your shower. The complications which follow are, well, pretty much what you'd think they would be. The TP gets wet, your towel gets wet, the mirror fogs, etc...I like it though, post-shower is the only humidity I've felt in weeks. Also, the sink has no hot water so we get arctic permafrost water at the tap, oh boy.

Let's see...what else is new...Oh! I found a kuai in my pocket today and was like, Yes! A kuai! This is amusing because a Kuai (China-dollar) is worth about 14 cents, and yet finding one now makes me as happy as finding a real dollar. Low standards score!

That's about it.

Ate dinner with a weird old Chinese man in a Russian coat who stared at me, asked me where I'm from, and then said "o ba ma!" with a big thumbs up,
China-Cat

The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly.

The Good:
-We don't have pre-class bells here, they just play nice soothing music for ten minutes before every class. I'm a fan, except for when it puts you to sleep for that post-lunch, early afternoon class.
-There is more soothing background music in all the cafeterias. Last night, the song being played made me feel particularly warm and fuzzy until I realized it was a lovely instrumental version of "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas." I told my roommate, she laughed and said no one there would know 'cause Christmas isn't big. Silly China.
-I successfully explained my family situation to my roommate the other day. This included vocab and phrases like "Dad's pregnant girlfriend," "pseudo-stepbrother," "pseudo-sister dating my brother," and "Mom's a playa." Roomie kept trying to give me the words for "wife" and "male friend," to no avail. We reached an understanding...still unsure if it was mutual or not...

The Bad
-Didn't do half my homework and cried in my two-on-one drill class today because I didn't and still don't understand what I'm supposed to be doing. Will ask my co-student as soon as I am composed enough to actually figure it out.
-I just want a freakin' spoon. A SPOON. S-P-O-O-N. Don't give me none of this funky-ass shaped "shaozi" crap, if I wanted to have to dip the WHOLE THING in my soup/oatmeal/noodles/etc and then not be able to fit it in my mouth, I'd have asked for a large, awkwardly-shaped ill-fitted silly concave tool, now wouldn't I have. Did I? No. SPOON.

The Ugly.
-Yesterday wasn't so cold! I thought it was nice...then my hair froze on the five minute walk to class.
-Today really wasn't bad though. Quite comfortable, I thought...then it started snowing.
-When you have to wear all of your clothing every day, it's impossible to create a matching outfit, let alone multiple matching outfits. Black and brown? And green? Also some yellow? Set for class.

Freshman students have to clear the roads after it snows,
China-Cat

Look at Me, I'm an Idiot.

So today, our weekend CET program activity was to visit Harbin's ice and snow sculpture festival, which is, of course, the world's largest. Above is me and my roomie, kickin' it in front of an ice kingdom while standing on an ice kingdom, and below is me, kickin' it in front of ice Notre Dame. The place was enormous and had more ice than your eyes have room for- all lighted from the inside mind you- and it was definitely a wonderful affair.

Nice huh. Moving past admiration though, allow me to remind you that at 8:00 PM tonight it was a balmy -2 degrees Fahrenheit on the outskirts of this lovely city, and we were at the festival for about an hour. This is not why I am an idiot, but I did learn two things: that I have a real and valid fear of frostbite, and that ice art deserves a place only in your dessert bowl, in a sort of I-can-swirl-the-chocolate-sauce-into-the-vanilla-with-sprinkles-and-prop-it-all-up-with-this-whipped-cream sort of way.

MORE IMPORTANTLY, and moving towards the reason I am a suspected idiot, we all went out to eat hot pot afterwards. In case you don't know, hot pot is a type of dining that involves one big bowl of boiling goodness in the middle of each table in which you cook meat, noodles, veggies, and anything else nearby that isn't nailed down. The trouble is, once the delicious food goes IN to the hot pot, you have to manage to get it back OUT again and onto your plate before you can eat it. This becomes a sort of peer-judged test of your chopsticking ability.

Well, you know how when your hands get really really cold, you sort of lose that fine motor control? And you know how my hands are notoriously cold and don't have the ability to warm themselves up? Well, that hot pot restaurant was about a fifteen minute bus ride from the ice festival.

For the first fifteen minutes of the meal, I was literally incapable of feeding myself. I could not even make the chopsticks meet, let alone apply enough pressure to successfully fish myself some food. People, when you're a blonde with sucky-ass Chinese at a Chinese restaurant in China, even people that know you don't assume your hands are unnaturally cold, they assume you're a culturally ignorant, completely incompetent American idiot, and a hungry one at that.

This episode was two parts funny, one part desperately concerned. Thought you should know.

Wo xihuan da pigu wo bu keyi shuo pian (I like big butts and I cannot lie),
China-Cat

I'm Still Me.

Friends, Colleagues, and Esteemed Members of the Community,

I am happy to inform you that in Chinese, I am still Cat Swanson. Yesterday, me, my roommate, my roommate's computer science grad student boyfriend were all over here chillin' and checking out our various schools online. He wants to come study in the US, so we were discussing which schools had good computer science programs with research focusing on internet somethingorother (I don't think I would understand in English either). Though they were both impressed by Rice's "Harvard of the South" title as well as my now-famous appearance on the website, we don't have what he's looking for. Apparently, Ohio State is best for that sort of thing, and WangHuai asked me "what's it like" so I told him.

You will live in field, surrounded by corn, and all you can eat is corn.

Awesome.


The only other noteworthy occurance was the temporary loss of my phone. It doesn't work here, but I still use it as an alarm clock and watch and photo album (sad huh), and I was really sad when I thought I had banished it to an eternity of cafeteria dumpsters. Turns out it was in the academic building and another student grabbed it for me, wohoo! Made me realize that I am really attached to the weird stuff I brought from home, mostly because I brought it from home. My life is so so hard.

Academics suck.

Toilet and Shower in one undivided room,
Cat

Classes, Day No. 1

1) Here is the aforementioned funny Chinglish picture, though it's less Chinglish than straight off of failblog.
2) I didn't cry in ANY of my classes. Or afterwards! In fact, this studying Chinese thing is pretty fun, and I could see myself getting addicted. On the other hand, I've got a pile of homework and some essays to write that suggest otherwise...
3) I saw six men get out of a cop car (van) with really, really large guns today. On a university campus! Wtf...I am afraid of both guns and China-police.
4) Squat toilets, 'nuff said.
5) If you're ever feeling a little too good about the American economy, I encourage you to take a Chinese-taught business class. My vocabulary now includes "American financial crisis," and by comparison, "foreign investments pouring into China." Seriously, it's the great depression over there folks.
6) I'm an excessively tall, naturally blonde waiguoren, and I freakin' love it. I haven't been stared at this much since Philmont! The only exception to my acceptance of this phenomenon is when I don't know what the hell is going on or how to do something or I fail to communicate that just because I want to buy the cheaper boy-razors does not mean I shave my face...then it sorta sucks. The rest of time, awesome. Represent.

Don't drink from the tap,
China-Cat

Internet!

It's everywhere! Including my dorm.

Important occurrences:
-Language pledge. I am duuuuuumb.
-Met my one-on-one class prof, and he dislikes me and thinks I am a silly mofo. What did he expect? I'm gonna cry a lot in that class.
-Roommate! She's small and cute and patient, what more could I ask for? Her name is xiaoye. that's shaow yay for you waiguoren.
-Went to the New Zealander bar with the cool kids and ordered drinks, just because I could. They were playing Feed the Animals on repeat, which made me order more drinks in a good way.
-Need to figure out how to read my homework instructions and then complete it, in that order.

Electric blanket blew a fuse,
China-Cat

Happenings Thus Far

Hello All,

More good news! All twenty of us waiguoren (outsiders) made it to Harbin today! Furthermore, even after walking half a mile on city streets in the dark with flutters of snow at about 10 degrees Farenheit, I am happy to say I made the right choice. This city kicks Beijing ASS, who cares if we're outnumbered four to one. Aaaand, this program is super sweet. The CET staff is way awesome, our dorms are nice if quirky, the campus is urban but secluded-ish, everyone speaks straight-up mandarin, and the other students are crazy in a like-me sort of way.

This being said, the language pledge (aka no English EVER EVER EVER except for this blog. And phone calls. And to tell people I'm not a Russian prostitute (wo bu shi yi ge eluosi de jinu) .) starts in about 48 hours, and that's gonna be exciting, if you take "exciting" to mean "pun-killing." Stay tuned.

As for stuff that has already happened, I have a hilarious Chinglish picture to post as soon as I get internet in my dorm (think three days-ish). Also, we took a 13 hour train ride to Harbin yesterday, or so I've been told...Mom, why didn't you ever put me on a train to get me to pass out as a baby? That shit WORKS. Also, I have effectively used Chinese to communicate with strangers upwards of three times now, including but not limited to instances such as "where is the bathroom," "in which aisle might I find the oatmeal," and "let her come in she's already eaten." This and more.

Becky, a random Chinese guy on the train thought that orange thing was awesome, or would have if he knew the word awesome. Kim, a co-student got a kick out the silly putty. Mrs. Russell, these socks are the shiiiiiit. Mom, bringing the electric blanket was an EXCELLENT call, so there! Chuck, I told your miniature golf joke to rave reviews. Spence, thank you for increasing my tolerance for cigarette smoke. Patti, everyone under the sun has a little sibling your age, no really. And Eric, expensive beer costs 38 cents. Ha.

Love love love America,
Cat

SUCCESS!

Hey!

I made it to China! And figured out how to access my blog from an Internet cafe! On the other hand, I'm reeeeal jetlagged and cannot WAIT to retire to my nice, fluffy Beijing hotel bed.
Best part of the day occured when, after sitting on the plane for about nine hours, for shits and giggles I opened the window shade to reveal...SIBERIA!!! So much SNOW! and ICE! Reminded me of the good 'ole days in Alaska.

In related news, it's still warm here. One eleven hour trainride tomorrow evening should take care of that though.

And, in support of China's multicultural history, the government has issued money featuring various minorities. On the other hand, the denomination chosen for this project is the smallest possible, the one kuai note. It's worth about 14 cents. Mixed messages much?

Counterfeit Kuai,
Cat

Impending Departure

Good news!

The very first potential crisis has been averted. Using my unparalleled technological sleuthing skills, I managed to ascertain that my flight departs from Austin-Bergstrom International Airport, not in fact from IAH. Who knew!

This means, of course, that I will be leaving this lovely city sometime on Saturday and spending a few days packing up (read: chilling with Austin friends. You know my lifestyle.) before flying out for Beijing on Tuesday at 11:00 AM.

Aren't you excited? I'm stoked.

Still sittin' around,
China-Cat

PS: I swear I will use this place to chronicle only the most interesting, impressive, and above all entertaining aspects of my trip. No really- it'll be almost as good as having me around!




...Thomas don't close your browser. Reading real words will be good for you.